Monday, January 13, 2014

To My Mother

If I never told you, I am proud of you. I have seen you pushed down and held back by the tribulations of life. You have suffered abuse by the hand of the man who should have adored you. You worked multiple jobs to make sure your children had what they needed. I remember you used to have all kinds of jewelry and I also remember when your husband came home with no money and you had to sell all your jewelry to pay the rent. Remember when you used to play Barbie with me? I remember you teaching me to read when I was two years old and letting me use your library card because I was too young. Mommy, I thought you were so pretty and I wanted to look like you--big beautiful smile, thick, luxurious hair, and you always were dressed to the nines. Mommy, you had to bury your baby boy. How did you do it? I couldn't imagine how it must have felt to say goodbye to someone so close. Honestly, I was envious of you two. You were so close. Losing my father two weeks before was difficult. You remained friends through it all and my father loved you. He was taken too soon. So much loss in the family. Mommy, losing Grandma Lillie in the way that we did was traumatic and our family has never been the same. Remember when we used to sit up with grandma and drink coffee and reminisce. Those were the best times ever. I remember when I graduated from high school, the proud look in your eyes. As I have grown, you have always been my strongest supporter. Mommy, there were times that you did things that I did not agree with and we used to fall out and not speak for the craziest things. Oh, what I wouldn't do to see you strong like that right now. I know you are tired. I know you don't feel the best, but Mommy I need you. I need you. I need you to stay a while longer. Let me be strong for you. As I sit here and think of you, all I wonder is if I have been the daughter I should have been to you. I was a teenaged mom. I hung out in the streets. I rebelled. I am sorry if I disappointed but, I have turned it around. Mommy, I am more proud of you for making it through so much than I am of anything else. I do not have enough words to tell it all. You are still beautiful and so deserving of your name -Queen.