Lately, I have had some very interesting conversations with Sistars on their relationships. And what I have seen is that their situations mirror my own life in many ways. They are dealing with men who refuse to acknowledge their feelings. The men continue the same behavior thus leaving the woman feeling disappointed, hurt, and betrayed. I have had to realize that I am speaking to myself when I provide them insight on how I view the situation. Relationships are tricky things and have periods similar to high tide at the beach, highs and lows. What we have to do is learn to ride the waves. But, there also lies the decisions that can be most difficult--is this relationship worth it?
I was married for 7 years and was with my husband for a total of 10 years-- a whole decade. In retrospect, I realize I shortchanged myself ; denied myself the things that I needed as a woman--affection, attention, and most of all, genuine love. I had to come to the conclusion that I was merely a convenience to this man and that at the end of the day, our marriage was a farce, a beautiful illusion, complete with children, family van, and holiday fare. I lost who I was trying to please him. Once I decided I was done, I began to see with different eyes. I realized that a relationship is not supposed to drain you, it should enrich your life. It is the deepest of partnerships.
So, when I hear how much pain my Sistars are in, when I hear the depth of love they have for their men--it pains me. What our community lacks is strong, black families and I for one, hate to see us disjointed. But, a Sistar should not deny her feelings and the man she is with, should acknowledge those feelings. I feel that if your mate truly wants to be with you, they will do whatever is required. When you love, you love purely and the happiness of your mate becomes of the utmost importance. Will there be disagreements? Most certainly. However, the "hot button" issues will be laid aside and the level of consideration will be present.
Sistars, I implore you to search your heart and be strong enough to walk away if that man is not the King for you. Brothas, I implore you to soul search. If this is the Queen that you desire, treat her as such. We need each other. Anything other than unity would be uncivilized.
Peace & Blessings,