Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Stand Still


Writing has become a true outlet for me. It allows me to cry between the lines, to ease pain deep in the crevices of my heart and psyche. It allows me to vent my frustrations at failing systems and injustices; to memorialize idols that have passed; to express my opinions freely.

I have been going through a very difficult time the last few days and haven’t said what’s really on my heart. I love my children past the moon however, what do you do when your love is not enough? What do you do when all your hard work seems to be getting dashed back into your face? My soon-to-be 17 year old son has run away from home. The mere typing of those words gashes my heart and pierces my side. He left in the early morning of July 5th and hasn’t called me or come back. A police report has been completed and his young face is now splashed on the CMPD website for officers to see. He has chosen to exert his independence and to in so many words let me know that he thinks he is a man.

I am deeply hurt by what my child has done. At first, I was frantic, crying for hours, and barely able to function. Now, I feel quite numb to be honest. It is very difficult not to imagine the worse when you haven’t seen your child in several days. But, I hear a small, still voice say “Just be still.” “If you train a child in the way that they should go, they will not depart from it.” I have trained my children, all six of them. And I will continue to impart wisdom to them as they continue to mature into the individuals that they were destined to become. I know my son is at a pivotal moment in his life, when he is trying to find his way in the world. I have taught him about the streets and how unloving the streets really are. My son will have to find out for himself what the “street” is really all about. I am praying—constantly for his safety and return. However, sometimes the best lessons are learned without parental interference. Yes, I am hurting but I will continue to live and be mother to the children that still remain under my watchful eye. It’s only a matter of time before this tough time will come to an end. He will be found one day and then hopefully he will understand the lessons I have tried to teach. I am not chasing him. My son has to find his way…..

 

"A mother is someone who dreams great dreams for you, but then she lets you chase the dreams you have for yourself and loves you just the same." Author Unknown

 

One Love,

A